


if we're falling for love then we're not falling at all

by reddieforlove



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Regency, Angst, First Meeting, Fluff, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Sexual Content, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 03:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14824313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddieforlove/pseuds/reddieforlove
Summary: “Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.”- Plato, The Symposium





	if we're falling for love then we're not falling at all

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this fic for months. I wanted to post it as a oneshot but it isn't working out that way so a twoshot it is. I hope that you all like it. This has been a labor of love but it's taken a lot of work.
> 
> Title is from Falling by Jamie McDell

Eddie stood there long after the undertaker filled the grave with dirt. Long after everyone else drifted away. For far longer than he should have, he remained fixed in place. Tears lingered on his cheeks. Eddie didn’t know if he cried for the woman they buried that day, or for the lost years he spent under her influence. The wind that ruffled his hair brought goosebumps to the surface of his skin and if he tilted his head back, he would see the grey clouds threatening to open up and drench him to the bone. Yet still he stood, until a gentle arm slipped through his.

“You should come inside and warm yourself by the fire,” Beverly said quietly.

He could smell a sweet, floral scent wafting from her skin and could see the bright tones of her hair from the corner of his eye. Eddie wished that her words could summon his fixed feet to move. That her warm presence could chase away the guilt that tightened his chest and twisted in his stomach, making him feel ill. Beverly held his arm more firmly as if she could sense his thoughts and touched the side of her head to his shoulder. Eddie turned his face just slightly towards her without tearing his eyes away from the plain stone cross that sat at the head of the grave.

“I shouldn’t feel this way,” he said, closing his eyes. “It should be easy for a son to mourn his mother.”

“Eddie,” Beverly said, sadness lingering in her voice.

It wasn’t for his mother. She wore the dark colors and said the prayers during the funeral but didn’t truly feel sorrow for her passing. Lady Sonia Kaspbrak never made her distaste for Beverly a secret. It could all be blamed on her insecurities, for she only managed to give Greyshire Manor one heir. Therefore when Ben, Eddie’s distant cousin, found and married his firehearted soulmate, it became clear that they would inherit the estate if something happened to Eddie.

To her credit, Beverly navigated the situation gracefully yet without sacrificing her sense of self to appease his mother. Eddie always respected her for that. Now that she was here at his side, comforting him even though she had no reason to feel sorrow for his mother’s death, he felt that respect and affection only grow. Eddie knew that Ben lingered somewhere nearby. Where one went, the other followed. That’s how it was with soulmates, not that he knew personally. He had yet to meet his own and, for all he knew, that could be blamed on his mother as well.

“There’s nothing wrong with being conflicted,” Beverly said, her voice heavy with understanding. “She did not always do what was right but she still cared for you.”

Eddie sighed, opening his eyes to look at her grave once more.

“I feel as though a burden has been lifted,” he said, another surge of guilt running through him even as he spoke the words. “And yet another has taken its place.”

He turned his face away, looking up at the structure that was both his home and his prison. Using the fingers on one hand, Eddie could count the number of times he’d left the grounds in the last ten years. He was partially to blame. Even when he took his rightful place as the Earl of Greyshire, he still let his mother’s influence cloud his mind and control his actions. He let himself be shut away so long that he knew rumors flew far and wide of possible diseases and disfigurements. Rumors that weren’t at all helped along by his mother summoning a physician when he so much as coughed funny.

It hadn’t always been that way. Eddie remembered traveling to nearby towns and other estates with his father, sitting proudly in a carriage with the seemingly eternal Lord Frank Kaspbrak at his side. Eddie learned a lesson about humanity and its weakness far too soon, when he watched his father languish away in his deathbed until he passed. Eddie wouldn’t have to look far to see his weathered tombstone. He had no desire to set eyes upon it, knowing it would just remind him of the duty that now sat on his shoulders.

“You don’t have to stay here,” Beverly said, pressing her gloved hand to his cheek, the silk cool against his skin. “You can come with us to the city. You’ve never seen anything like it. Or let us go to Paris or Florence or anywhere but here. You can travel wherever you want, Eddie.”

She was right. Eddie could do anything that he wanted. But a swoop of fear made his stomach turn to lead at the thought of leaving the safety of this place and he felt the resentment in him grow all the more for the blanket of overprotection his mother cast over him as soon as the last rites were said over his father’s fading form.

“I have responsibilities,” Eddie said, trying his best not to meet her eyes.

“You have a steward who can handle all of it,” Beverly said.

She was right and yet something kept him tethered there. A fear that his mother was right all along when she justified her decision to keep him locked away from the world.

“I don’t know if I can.”

Beverly’s face fell as they heard the crunch of footsteps over fallen leaves.

“What would your father want you to do?” Ben asked.

Eddie and Beverly both looked his way. If any other man had his stature, they may be intimidating. Ben, however, was quite the opposite, with gentle eyes and soft smiles. Yet he looked all too serious now, with a worried gaze that matched his wife’s. His question struck deep and left Eddie truly lost for words. He’d spent the last decade trying not to think too much of his father, if only for the pain it caused him. He sometimes looked back on the best memories he had if only to help keep his head up when it got difficult to live as he did. Eddie knew exactly what his father would have to say about it, even down to the encouraging look in his laughter-creased eyes.

“I’ll think on it,” Eddie said.

It was not a promise but it was a concession that seemed to satisfy them for now. Eddie wasn’t just saying it to quiet them. He would truly think on it. There was a part of him, growing ever more now that his mother was gone, that longed to be free. Eddie just feared what would happen if freedom turned out to be less desirable than he expected. Especially when it came to his soulmate. The one person in the world he was destined to meet and the one person in the world he wasn’t sure that he ever would. A mysterious and unknown yet ever presence force in his life.

Even if he did meet them, the mere idea of disappointing them or being turned away stoked a terror in Eddie that he couldn’t even entirely blame on his mother. As he let Beverly and Ben lead him inside, away from the cold reality of his situation and into the warm of their comfort, Eddie wondered if he would ever be enough for someone to love. He didn’t want to think too long on the question, for he feared that the answer would be far too devastating.

Eddie knew that he would never have the chance to know, never have the chance to meet his soulmate, if he continued to hide himself away in fear of what _may_ happen. So as he sat before the fire, warming his chilled hands and watching the orange flames dance and crackle about, Eddie made a promise to himself and his dear departed father. He would no longer be the reclusive Earl of Greyshire. His mother’s death gave him the chance for a new start. Eddie wouldn’t take it for granted. He longed for freedom and so he would be free.

*

A mere month later found Eddie sitting stiffly in a carriage, dressed in fine clothing with white gloves on his hands and a sleek black hat perched precariously atop his neatly combed hair. Despite being well-dressed and groomed to perfection, with perfectly tailored clothes that were overseen by Beverly, he felt anxious as his stomach twisted and his heart raced in his chest.

“Perhaps this isn’t such a good idea.”

At first, Eddie thought that the words came from his own lips since he’d been considering the same thought for the past several minutes. But as he lifted his head, he saw Ben looking at him with concern. It was quite possible that his nerves were showing on his face.

“Of course it is,” Beverly said.

Eddie envied the confidence that rang in her voice. She was a vision in the pure white dress with a blue sash tied around her slim waist and her hair pinned away from her face. There were bright spots of color in her freckled cheeks and a shine in her eyes. Her own gloved hand was tucked into Ben’s elbow as the carriage rocked along the road that took them closer and closer to a place that Eddie hadn’t seen since his childhood.

Marquess William Denbrough was a close friend before they knew the burden of managing their own estates. Eddie could easily remember the last time they saw one another. Bill’s gaze was somber and yet strong, providing a grounding presence as he watched his father be buried. Eddie couldn’t deny the guilt he felt over how their friendship faltered in the aftermath of the funeral. His mother refused to let him leave and gave him no materials to write letters. His only friend was lost to him.

Eddie only prayed that he could mend that fractured bridge now. It was his first time out of Greyshire in years and it happened to be a very important night for Bill, as Eddie remembered he liked to be called. Invitations to the ball were spread far and wide across the country. Bill’s home, Wavendon Hall, wasn’t far from Eddie’s own estate, which was how they managed to maintain a friendship as young children. It made their journey easy now, though they were far from the first people to arrive. Carriages filled the wide path and people lingered outside of the manor in equally fine clothing.

“What if he doesn’t wish to see me?” Eddie asked.

“I’m certain that he’ll be delighted you’re here,” Beverly said, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “He wouldn’t have sent the invitation to Greyshire if you weren’t welcome to come.”

Eddie tried to hang onto her words, nodding as the carriage jolted to a stop. The door opened a few moments later and the footman step aside to let them out. Ben went first, helping Beverly through before Eddie followed. Wavendon looked just how he remembered, even though it was nearing nightfall and the windows were filled with candlelight. He didn’t recognize a single person as they ascended the steps into the main foyer and gave away their hats and coats. They received more than a few curious looks from people who didn’t know their faces.

But Eddie only had eyes for the man greeting people at the entrance to the grand ballroom. Bill was tall, but then he always had been. His hair was neatly combed away from his face and there was a polite smile on his face. A woman stood next to him, exuding a radiant warmth as Bill’s hand settled over the small of her back just below a soft lavender ribbon that complimented her dove grey gown. This was the reason for the ball. Bill discovered his soulmate on a trip into London.

No one knew the exact details, only that Lady Audra seemed a worthy woman to sit at his side as Lady Denbrough. They had been bonded together already. The ceremonies were private but the celebrations afterwards certainly were not. Bill looked happy, which made Eddie feel joy and sadness all at once. There was no telling all that he’d missed. He couldn’t quite avoid greeting him, though Eddie wished that he could have more time to gather his thoughts. This wasn’t how he imagined celebrating the fact that his chains were broken.

The eyes he felt on him, questioning his presence and wondering about his identity, only made him feel more anxious as he followed the line to the door with Beverly and Ben close behind him. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder comfortingly all while they drew closer. It wasn’t until he found himself standing directly in front of his old friend that Eddie lifted his eyes from the marble floor.

“Eddie?”

Bill’s voice was deeper than before, yet with the underlying strength that it always possessed, even when they were children. Eddie started to fold into a bow but Bill’s hands shot out, clasping around his shoulders. Eddie’s eyes darted up to meet his again, wide and uncertain. But he was met with only surprise and warmth, no resentment. Relief flooded him as Bill glanced around, looking as though he wanted to greet Eddie with more warmth but was aware of those around them.

“Later,” he said, looking back at Eddie. “I’ll find you.”

Eddie nodded, unsure of what else to say. Then Bill’s face relaxed into a smile.

“I’m quite happy you’re here,” he said before dropping one arm and angling them both towards his soulmate. “This is Audra. Audra, this is Eddie, an old friend of mine.”

Eddie greeted her before introducing them both to Ben and Beverly. Audra was pleasant, with a kind smile and kinder eyes. With a large crowd behind them waiting to be greeted, they excused themselves and made their way into the ballroom. Eddie has vague memories of Bill’s house but the extravagance of the room took him by surprise and he wasn’t the only one. Ben let out a murmur or awe and Beverly laughed lightly at his side, knowing full well that he was admiring the architecture of the manor. He was so captivated by their surroundings that he barely noticed the looks that were still sent his way.

“I daresay,” Beverly spoke quietly, a mischievous smile upon her face. “That judging by the amount of upturned noses I see, we must be among the _haute ton_ of England.”

Eddie couldn’t bring himself to deny her words. They were surrounded by some of the richest peers in this part of England. The season for debutantes and betrothals had come and gone, which meant that the nobility at large were looking for whatever excitement they could find to divert from their otherwise lackluster lives.

“What a dreadful lot of people,” Ben muttered.

When Beverly let out a laugh, it was impossible not to do so as well. They received quite a few disapproving looks that did nothing to discourage her, though Eddie quieted as they moved further into the ballroom and let themselves be swallowed by the crowd as music rose from the opposite end where people were dancing. As he watched the conversation flow around him as easily as the champagne and wine that seemed endless, Eddie couldn’t help but think of his mother in that moment. She would despise that he was there. Eddie hated that he could hear her words even now.

_“You’ll do well not to associate yourself with these people beyond mild pleasantries, Edward. They are not the sort you want to befriend.”_

Eddie stopped in place, closing his eyes for a moment to banish all thoughts of her from his mind. He wouldn’t let her in. He wouldn’t let her ruin it. A hand fell upon his arm and he opened his eyes to see Ben looking at him with concern. Beverly was conversing easily with a lady she must have known from the city, for they were both smiling as they spoke.

“Are you well?” Ben asked quietly.

He nodded, swallowing hard and breathing evenly.

“Just overwhelmed,” Eddie said, glancing around. “It’s quite a lot.”

Ben nodded with understanding, squeezing Eddie’s arm lightly before letting go. It didn’t take long for Beverly to involve the two of them in her conversation. As soon as his name was spoken aloud, her companion’s eyes lit up with recognition. It was a blur of introductions from there, as more people began to hear that he was the reclusive Earl of Greyshire. Eddie didn’t have a single hope of remembering any of the names that he heard. His head spun as he tried his best to keep a smile fixed upon his face. It wasn’t until he felt a familiar presence at his side that he looked around and sighed with relief at the sight of Bill, who rescued him easily while claiming that they were childhood friends. Eddie nodded at Ben and Beverly to go and dance, as they’d been itching to for several minutes, and allowed himself to be led away from the crowd of eager nobles.

“Thank you,” Eddie said, feeling the tension in his shoulders ebb away. “I’ve never felt quite so scrutinized in my life.”

“They smell new blood in the water and they do not hesitate to pounce,” Bill said, no small amount of amusement in his voice.

“I’m just surprised they all managed to keep their curiosity at bay. I half expected to be questioned on what possible deformities I’m hiding beneath this hellish clothing,” Eddie said, tugging at the cravat around his throat.

Bill let out a low laugh before retrieving two glasses of wine, handing one off to Eddie.

“Audra has gone to refresh herself with one of her friends,” he said, sipping at the dark liquid. “Would you like to play cards? There’s a room about here somewhere with a few games in play.”

Eddie shook his head. Not only was he unpracticed in the art of gambling, he had no desire to learn it.

“I doubt it is the place for me.”

Bill didn’t look bothered by his confession, only somewhat amused.

“Then you’ll have to meet two friends of mine,” he said.

Eddie barely had the chance to understand before Bill was leading him towards two men. One was tall and slim, with dark golden hair that curled perfectly and sharp eyes that seemed to miss nothing. The other was dark-skinned and slightly shorter with thickset muscles and an air of approachability and warmth. It took Eddie a moment to realize they they were standing rather close and the way that they looked at one another when the taller of the two turned his head was incredibly intimate.

“I would like you to meet them,” Bill said quietly, guiding Eddie closer. “I think you’ll find that you get along quite well.”

As they walked up, the men looked away from each other and their eyes darted between Bill and Eddie with almost exact synchronicity. It was like they moved around each other with ease, as if they’d been doing it for years and years. Perhaps they had. Eddie had the sense that their relationship went far deeper than he knew. His heart did a faint flutter at the thought. He knew that men could find their soulmate in another man, just as women could with another woman. Eddie just never met anyone who had, mostly because his mother had certain judgmental things to say about such couples.

“Eddie this is Lord Stanley Uris and Lord Michael Hanlon. This is Lord Edward Kaspbrak.”

“Mike, please,” the shorter of the two said, lowering his head to Eddie in a respectfully greeting.

Eddie did the same before turning his attention on Lord Stanley.

“Stan,” he said, bowing his head as well.

When Eddie returned the gesture, he saw Mike’s fingers brushing over Stan’s palm and grew even more certain of their relationship.

“We were just talking about the game happening in my study. I know Stan has no desire but I can take you there if you wish, Mike,” Bill offered.

“I’m a terrible card player,” Mike said, shaking his head.

Stan let out a soft sigh and Mike sent him a look that was most amused and affectionate.

“I should look in,” Stan said, sounding as though he were resigned to his fate. “If Richie hasn’t been attacked by a mob of insulted gentlemen, then I will be quite surprised.”

Bill let out a laugh as Mike smiled. Eddie glanced away, unsure how to react since he had no clue what or whom they were speaking of.

“Let him have his fun,” Mike said, reaching up to brush his hand over Stan’s shoulder. “You and I both know that he’ll only add to his fortune by the end of the night. He’s far smarter than any man in that room.”

“That’s exactly what I’m concerned about.”

Bill caught onto Eddie’s look and bent his head closer, giving him relief when he opened his mouth to speak.

“Duke Richard Tozier of Derryshire,” he explained. “Stan has known him since they were quite young, much like you and I, and they are as close as brothers.”

Eddie nodded along, though he was inwardly thinking of the fact that, as far as he knew, the Duke of Derryshire was among the richest peers in England. He’d heard of him once or twice before but never imagined that he would be so young. Before he could say anything, a new person joined their small circle. Audra looked just as beautiful as before, with her eyes shining as she took Bill’s arm in her own.

“Excuse me,” Bill said, looking first at Stan and Mike, then Eddie. “I do believe I owe my lady a dance.”

He stared at Eddie for a moment longer, the slightest apologetic look filling his eyes. Eddie shook his head and waved him away, refusing to keep him when this entire ball was only put on to celebrate his impending union with the woman at his side. Bill and Audra drifted into the crowd towards the dancing couples, where Eddie could still see Beverly’s bright hair among the others.

“You are the Earl of Greyshire, are you not?” Stan asked.

Eddie’s attention snapped back to them and he nodded, sipping lightly at the wine in his hand.

“I am,” he said once he swallowed.

“We heard of your mother’s passing,” Mike said, looking at Eddie with sympathy. “You have our condolences.”

It took him by surprised. Eddie could only nod and thank him quietly. It didn’t take long before they were joined by others who introduced themselves to Eddie and moved somewhat awkwardly around Stan and Mike. They couldn’t be the only two men who were soulmates in all of England, yet every person who passed by seemed determined to pretend as though they were. Eddie didn’t know how they dealt with it with such grace. He’d be a mess of nerves, he was quite certain. Although it seemed like they found peace in one another and couldn’t even see the looks sent their way. Eddie couldn’t help but admire them for it.

“Pardon me,” he said, feeling as though he’d taken too much of their time by lingering close by. “I think I will take some air. It’s all rather overwhelming.”

They both looked at him with understanding. Mike offered to show him a nearby balcony but Eddie waved him off, not wanting to take him away from Stan. He didn’t truly know where he was going, weaving his way through the crowd until he was leaving through a small door into a corridor that was far less crowded. Part of Eddie remembered some aspects of the manor and so he let his feet carry him through the maze of hallways until he was stepping outside into the cool night air, breathing it in and letting it calm him. He had found his way to the gardens, where he used to run and jump around with Bill without a care in the world.

They would even be joined by Georgie, Bill’s little brother. Eddie wondered where the boy he remembered as sweet and adventurous was at that moment. He moved closer to the steps that led down into the hedges that surrounded the stone path of the garden. Tilting his head back towards the sky as his palm skimmed over the stone railing, Eddie simply let himself breathe. It felt nice, to have a moment of quiet. Of solitude. Of peace. He was happy to see Bill again and there was something undeniably thrilling about the event as a whole, especially since there was no one around to tell Eddie that he could not attend. But he needed this moment to himself.

Then his peace was shattered with only a few simple words.

“Stifling, isn’t it?”

Eddie jumped, letting out a sharp gasp as his heart swooped in his chest at the voice that seemingly came out of nowhere. Looking to his left, he found himself staring into two bright, endlessly amused eyes. The man who spoke was leaning against the opposite side of the steps overlooking the gardens where they stood, a half empty glass of wine held lazily in one hand as he looked over Eddie with a slow interest. He was tall, that much Eddie could see, and his hair caught the eye rather easily.

Instead of the neat, somewhat fashionable styles that most men wore his hair sprung away from his head in thick, dark curls that were styled in an unruly manner that both shocked and fascinated Eddie. That combined with his unbuttoned waistcoat and nearly untied cravat gave him the look of a man who cared very little for what others thought. Much to his own surprise, Eddie felt a stab of envy. He wished that he could feel the same.

“Pardon?” Eddie said, realizing he’d let the silence stretch on too long.

The man looked amused, as if he did not miss a single moment of Eddie’s inspection.

“The ball,” he said, gesturing to the closed doors behind them. “It’s stifling. They always are.”

“It’s overwhelming,” Eddie admitted hesitantly, his eyes catching on the man’s high cheekbones, defined jawline, and the smattering of freckles over his pale cheeks and nose.

It was hard to look away from him. All that Eddie wanted to do was inch closer but he kept himself rooted in place, feeling breathless once more from the mere feeling of this person’s eyes on him. He didn’t know what to make of him. It was as if he materialized out of the darkness itself, even though that was impossible. He was quite contradictory, with fine clothing and all the signs of wealth yet a carefree and somewhat rebellious air that Eddie hadn’t ever seen in anyone before.

“I’m hiding,” the man said in a conspiratorial whisper. “I think I won a fair chunk of a Welshman’s fortune and he’ll be scouring the grounds. He imagines that I cheated.”

Eddie’s eyebrows lifted just slightly, his mouth twitching at the corner.

“Did you?” he asked.

“And besmirch my honor?” the man demanded in an over-exaggerated, posh voice as he puffed out his chest and lifted his chin. “I may be the duke of debauchery and scandal but I’ll not take a man’s money unfairly. It’s far too much fun to see the look in their eyes when they realize that I’m simply better in every conceivable way.”

Eddie swallowed hard, his thoughts halting on one word instead of the incredibly egotistic words of the man before him.

“Duke?”

“Ah yes,” he perked up as if Eddie reminded him of something. “Richard Tozier at your service. You, beautiful stranger, may call me Richie.”

He lowered himself into a dramatic bow, nearly spilling his wine. Color rose to Eddie’s cheeks as his heart beat at a curiously quick pace in his chest. This was the man that Stan spoke of. He was quite young indeed. Only a few years older than Eddie, if that. His eyes were bright, most likely from the wine he drank, and his cheeks slightly flushed. Eddie wondered if he found his way outside by accident.

“You’re Lord Stanley’s friend,” Eddie stated, eyeing Richie warily. “Perhaps I should fetch him.”

“I don’t think I’ve quite earned that,” Richie said, a smile blooming on his face. “I’ll behave, you have my word.”

Eddie had his doubts about that. No man who was known as a duke of debauchery and scandal could be counted on to behave. Yet he stood where he was, a tug in his chest making him want to stay. Eddie couldn’t explain it. There was an urge rising in him to reach out and touch the other man.

“Mr. Tozier-” Eddie began, unsure of what he even planned to say.

“Richie.”

The correction came quickly. Eddie somehow knew that Richie wasn’t going to let stiff etiquette stand between them. Though they only just met, it felt as though a part of him knew Richie. Eddie pushed it all away, focusing on trying to extract himself from this altogether strange conversation.

“Mr. Tozier,” he repeated, much to Richie’s amusement. “It was a pleasure to meet you but I must excuse myself.”

“Must you?” Richie asked.

“Yes. I am obliged to revisit the host. He is an old friend of mine.”

Richie didn’t seem bothered by Eddie’s words, if he even heard them at all. He was still staring.

“I’m still quite convinced that I know you.”

Eddie felt frustration and confusion rising in him, for he felt the same. Perhaps it was simply the wine.

“You cannot know someone you haven’t met,” Eddie said.

He could not say who he was trying to convince. Himself or Richie. The other man simply titled his head to the side, looking for all the world like Eddie was a mystery that he was determined to solve. It made him feel simultaneously anxious and elated.

“I would remember,” Richie said, taking a step forward yet again. “If we had a… rendezvous. I would not easily forget a face like yours. So why do I feel as though I know you deep in my bones?”

Eddie’s eyes widened at Richie’s insinuation and the elation was quickly replaced with annoyance that was rapidly approaching anger. No one had ever spoken to him in such a way. The fact that Richie was so casual about wondering if they’d shared a bed made Eddie’s cheeks burn.

“We certainly have not had any sort of rendezvous, sir,” he said with a frown, moving away from Richie much quicker this time. “Pardon me.”

Eddie was determined not to be waylaid again. Now he wanted nothing more than to be far away from this man. Though he claimed to have honor, his words made Eddie doubt its existence. He only wished that there wasn’t still a longing buried deep beneath his offense. The need to be closer. Eddie hated the feeling now.

“I apologize if I offended you,” Richie said, though he was smiling.

“It is no matter,” Eddie said brusquely, already turning away from him.

He did not bother to bid him goodbye properly, hurrying up towards the door. Richie’s words very nearly failed to reach his ears, yet he heard them all the same.

“I think we will see each again other quite soon.”

 _I certainly hope not_ , Eddie thought to himself.

*

Eddie’s behavior as they rode home in the carriage must not have gone unnoticed. At least not by one of his companions. Beverly did not get the chance to confront him until the next morning, but she did not waste a single moment after they broke their fast, collapsing onto a sofa in his study as he read over a few letters.

“I noticed that you disappeared for a few moments last night,” she said, the faintest curiosity in her voice as she took great care in inspecting her nails.

He looked at her over the top of his letters, able to discern her intentions quite easily.

“I went to the gardens,” Eddie said simply.

“So you said,” she nodded, meeting his eyes. “But you returned looking rather agitated. I daresay a rosebush would not inspire such feelings, unless you pricked yourself. Did you?”

“I did not.”

She looked satisfied, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest as she tapped her feet on rug.

“So?”

Eddie knew that she would not let it go easily. She would poke and prod until he revealed the truth so Eddie knew that he may as well give in now if only to avoid all of the grief he’d hear if he tried to delay the inevitable.

“I met a rather disagreeable man,” he said, hoping she would allow him to leave it at that.

“Oh?”

Beverly sat up, looking quite delighted by his words. He should have known better.

“He was brash, insulting, quite possibly drunk, and had the audacity to act as though it was all in good humor,” Eddie said, setting his letters down. “I have never met someone so… so... “

He trailed off, shaking his head. There was truly no describing the duke at all. No words could possibly explain exactly how he was.

“Who was it?” Beverly asked, sitting up straighter out of curiosity.

Eddie tried to avoid her prodding look, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. It was useless. She’d pull the truth out of him.

“The Duke of Derryshire.”

Beverly’s eyes widened at his words.

“He’s one of the richest peers in England,” she said.

“I know,” Eddie said bitterly, shaking his head. “And as does he. Apparently he spends quite a bit of time gambling.”

Beverly let out a laugh.

“I’m certain he has enough money to spare,” she said lightheartedly. “He only makes ten thousand a year.”

“No amount of money makes up for lack of manners.”

Beverly, if possibly, grew even more amused at his words.

“How incredibly aristocratic of you,” she said with shining eyes. “You’d fit right in at the social houses in London.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes at her, though he knew she was only teasing.

“I most certainly would not,” he denied.

She simply gave him a grin before standing up.

“Well if we ever meet this rascal, the Duke of Derryshire, again, I will take up your side against him in an instant. You have my word,” Beverly said.

Eddie could not help but smile at that.

“As grateful as I am for your vow, I do not think it will be necessary. I have no intention of seeing him again.”

“Even so,” Beverly said, heading for the door. “You always have me.”

*

As it turned out, Richard Tozier may well have been a fortune teller on top of being a man of wealth and a high ranking noble. Eddie did not know it when he received the letter several days after the ball, but he would soon see the duke again just as the man predicted. Bill wrote it himself, apologizing for not affording Eddie the attention he wished he could at the ball before inviting him, Beverly, and Ben for a private dinner at his estate on the following evening.

Beverly urged him to respond immediately and Eddie did so. The rest of the ball had been spent trying his very best not to stand out to anyone and, even more, to not see the duke again. Eddie had no desire to talk to the man. He told no one of their conversation, even when he heard Lord Stanley wondering at his whereabouts. He would hate to admit to anyone, even now, that he couldn’t get the man out of his head. Richie haunted him at night, coming to the forefront of his mind each time he closed his eyes.

Eddie wanted to forget everything about their near disastrous meeting and yet it was as if his own thoughts betrayed him, constantly wandering to consider the curl of his dark hair and what may be the color of his eyes. He knew that his distracted state did not go unnoticed, judging by the concerned looks that he received each time he faded off only to become snappish if Ben or Beverly asked if he was feeling well. Eddie felt fine. He just couldn’t push the thrice damned scoundrel from his mind.

Of course the last thing that he expected when he arrived at Bill’s house for the second time in as many weeks was to see that very man. Perhaps he should have been expecting it. After all, Bill seemed quite close to Stan and Mike and, as he explained, Stan and Richie were as close as brothers. But Eddie arrived at Wavendon Hall feeling somewhat optimistic, hoping that this was his chance to truly mend things with his old friend. Ben and Beverly didn’t hesitate to attend with him. A footman greeted them at their door, taking their coats and hats before leading them towards the foyer.

“Lord William and Lady Audra are already attending to the other guests,” he explained.

Eddie felt a jolt of confusion as Beverly spoke up to satisfy their collective curiosity. It was meant to be a private dinner. Who else was there?

“Other guests?” she asked.

“A few of the Marquess’s other companions.”

The footman explained nothing further and they did not ask, falling into silence as they made their way through the manor. Eddie was the first to walk through the door and he barely glimpsed anything before Bill was upon him, greeting him even more warmly than he had at the ball. He gathered Eddie into a firm hug, lingering there for a moment before pulling away with a smile.

“You are most welcome,” Bill said, a genuine sound to his voice that comforted Eddie quite easily. “All of you.”

He spoke over Eddie’s shoulder to Ben and Beverly, pronouncing that he was pleased to see them again. But Eddie’s eyes were suddenly fixed over Bill’s shoulder, where he could see the aforementioned guests standing by the hearth with glasses of deep red wine in their hands. He had no issue with Stan and Mike but it was the third of them that caused his cheeks to pale and his heart to sink just slightly. The duke stared back at him even as he spoke with Stan, his eyes shining with mirth as if he could read the very thoughts that ran through Eddie’s head in that moment.

The bastard was right.

It did not help that he looked quite dashing, with his clothes far more neat and well put together. His curls were still unmanageable but they only added to his charm. Charm that Eddie would swear up and down did _not_ exist as he fought to keep his face from forming a scowl at the mere sight of him. It seemed he wasn’t entirely unsuccessful because whatever displeasure he showed only made the man look all the more amused. Eddie had to wonder if it was a permanent state for him.

“You remember Mike and Stan,” Bill said, taking notice of the fact that Eddie’s attention was elsewhere.

“I do,” Eddie said, tearing his eyes away from Richie to greet the other two men. “It is a pleasure.”

They both bowes their heads but Stan was glancing between Eddie and Richie with narrowed eyes. Eddie wondered if perhaps Richie said something about him but quickly chased the thought away even as his heart fluttered at the idea. He shouldn’t care at all what Richie did or did not say about him. Eddie was set upon disliking the man and there was very little that could change his mind. Of that he was certain.

“This is the Duke of Derryshire, Richard Tozier.”

“Richie,” he said, striding forward to stand at Bill’s side. “I insist.”

Eddie unwilling dragged his eyes up, meeting his gaze. He was only slightly taller than Bill and this close, without the darkness surrounding them, Eddie could see that his eyes were a striking blue, growing darker at the outer edges with a ring of black surrounding each iris. He hated that they were beautiful. He hated that, even with his vow to loathe him, ridiculous though it may be, Eddie felt the low tug in his chest to reach out to him. He distantly heard Ben introducing himself and Beverly to the duke but Eddie was quite focused on controlling his unexplainable contrast of emotions as he glared at the side of Richie’s face.

“Eddie?”

It was Bill’s hand that settled upon his shoulder, bringing all of the attention to him. Richie’s mouth ticked up just slightly into a smirk. It was enough to bring Eddie out of his thoughts and back to the room. He could feel all eyes on him and knew that Beverly, most of all, was stunned by the turn of events.

“It’s honor to meet you, Eddie,” Richie said.

“Edward,” he corrected quickly. “You may call me Edward.”

Eddie knew that the others were all giving him strange looks but he did not care to notice them. The last thing he wanted to do was give this man any reason to feel too familiar. Richie’s eyes flashed with the slightest bit of surprise at his abrupt tone but Eddie was looking away before he could open his mouth to say a word.

“I do hope you are well,” Audra said, breaking the tension as she came forward to greet the three of them. “Bill has been telling me all about your childhood together. I feel as though I know you already.”

She took both of Eddie’s hands and laid a soft kiss upon his cheek before curtsying to Ben and Beverly with a smile.

“Thank you, my lady,” Eddie said, bowing his head to her.

He managed to avoid Richie’s gaze up as they all exchanged pleasantries. Wine passed hands and chatter and laughter filled the air until the subject of music came up.

“I’m afraid that I am rather horrible at the pianoforte,” Audra said, a look of mock misery coming over her face. “Much to my mother’s shame. She was wonderful, you see, and always wanted to teach me but I could never quite figure it out. What about you, Lady Beverly?”

“I was never afforded the opportunity as a child,” Beverly said mildly.

Ben and Eddie both gave her comforting looks and she smiled, shaking her head a little bit. The topic of her childhood was difficult for her but, as she often said, the further away the memories got, the easier it was for her to bear. Especially since her life was lovely now.

“Eddie can play,” she said, a mischievous light entering her eyes.

“You can?” Bill asked, sounding surprised.

Eddie fought the urge to let out a great sigh. He was afraid that either Beverly or Ben would reveal his secret. The truth was that there was little for him to amuse himself when his mother kept him locked away in Greyshire for so many years that he taught himself the instrument.

“Yes I can,” he said with a nod.

“You should play for us,” Audra said happily.

As for Eddie, he could have happily strangled the lot of them. The last thing that he wanted was to be the center of attention, especially with Richie there. But he made his way to the instrument anyway, sitting down and taking a breath before placing his fingers upon the keys. It was quite odd for a man to play, he knew that. Though most composers were men, it was more common among nobles for ladies to learn the craft. Eddie didn’t understand it when he was a child and he didn’t understand it now. It was simply music. Why did it matter who played it?

So he began, playing a simple piece that he learned around age thirteen. After some mild arguing, Sonia realized that the piano was a good way to keep her son inside and safe. Therefore she began supplying him with piles of sheet music, always encouraging him to play more and more of it. She did not need to give him a tutor, declaring him a natural before leaving him to it. But she was never quite interested in hearing him play. It was only another way to keep him locked up in the manor.

Eddie pulled himself out of his thoughts and settled on enjoying the feeling of playing. It was easy for him, allowing him to be aware of what else was going on in the room as his fingers danced over the keys. The others were discussing something to do with London. Eddie found himself able to listen quite easily without a break in his playing. It wasn’t until a tall figure stepped up to the piano next to him that his thumb came down on a wrong key and he let a mild curse slip out from his lips before glaring up at Richie.

“Do you mean to intimidate me?” Eddie said quietly, returning his eyes to his keys. “I can play quite well with you there, _Mr. Tozier_. So you may remain for as long as you like.”

“Thank you for the permission,” Richie said, his voice making it clear that he wore a smile. “I’m not trying to intimidate you at all.”

Eddie let out an entirely impolite snort but did not apologize for it. He said nothing more, letting his doubt hang in the air.

“I did tell you that we would meet again,” Richie reminded him.

“Perhaps you should have made a bet on it. I recall that you enjoy adding to your fortune.”

“No more than I enjoy listening to fine music,” Richie said, sounding no less amused for the annoyance in Eddie’s voice.

“You are quite wonderful at it, Eddie,” Bill said, stepping up to the piano beside him.

“It is a fine piano,” Eddie said, giving him a small smile.

“Yes it is. May I inquire as to the maker? I need something special for Lottie. She is rather particular about her Christmas presents and I must deliver something grand this year,” Richie said.

“Does she play?” Bill asked.

“Magnificently,” Richie said, affection and pride bleeding into his voice. “She would make a fair match to fine Edward here.”

Eddie didn’t know why he felt a bitter taste forming in his mouth as his heart sank in his chest. Of course Richie would not be an eligible bachelor like he once thought. This Lottie may well be his soulmate. The mere thought of it made Eddie’s stomach twist sickeningly and he could not imagine why. He pushed the thoughts away forcefully, not wanting to dwell on them lest his jealousy grow. Eddie tried to convince himself that it was mere companionship he craved, not Richie himself. It would be utterly ridiculous to long for a man he was so determined to dislike. He seamlessly transitioned into another song, one of his favorites, and a hush fell over the room as he played it slowly and without a single mistake.

“I’ve heard it before,” Eddie heard Mike say.

“What is it called?” Richie asked and Eddie knew quite well that the question was directed at him.

“Quasi una fantasia,” he answered, concentrating more heavily on the song since it was more complicated. “Beethoven.”

The room fell silent again as they all listened to him play. It was Eddie’s favorite piece, something he played often when he needed the comfort of something familiar and warm. He knew that it sounded somber to one who may not have heard it before but to him, it was simply beautiful. It took him well over six months to learn it perfectly, even as he practiced at it every single day, and Eddie jumped for joy the first time he played it without incident. He never let himself forget it, playing it at least once a week so it would remain fixed in his mind.

“It’s beautiful,” Richie said, his voice low and filled with awe.

Eddie lifted his eyes, meeting his gaze. It held for several long moments as his hands continued playing without incident. There was something unexplainable in Richie’s eyes. A look of both interest and confusion, as if he could not explain the tether between them anymore than Eddie could. He dropped his eyes away from Richie, promising himself not to look his way again. Nothing good would come of it.

He was nearing the end of the piece when a servant came through to inform them that dinner was ready to be served. As it happened, and yet not unexpectedly, Eddie found himself sitting right across from Richie. He knew that he could not keep his eyes lowered to his plate for the entire meal so Eddie was determined to look at anyone but _him_. But of course Richie didn’t need eye contact to gain his attention.

“I must congratulate you on the excellent ball you put on the other night,” Richie said, his focus on Bill. “It was quite well done.”

“You can thank Audra as much as myself,” Bill said, glancing over at her as she smiled prettily and looked down into her lap.

“Another thing to congratulate you upon,” Richie said, nodding at them both.

Everyone else seemed warmed by his words but Eddie couldn’t help but remember how he’d spoken in the gardens at this same manor and wondered if this was even the same man.

“Are you alright?” Mike said and Eddie lifted his his head from where he’d been frowning at his plate.

They were all looking at him now. Eddie steadfastly avoided Richie’s gaze.

“I’m fine,” he said before looking to Bill. “Is Georgie about? I didn’t see him at the ball.”

Bill shook his head, swallowing a bite before speaking.

“He’s at university,” he said with warm affection in his voice for his younger brother. “The same I attended. Apparently all of the scholars quite agree that he is a far more pleasant student to teach. I don’t know if I should be offended or proud.”

Everyone laughed lightly at his words.

“That surprises me very little,” Eddie confessed, his smile growing wider on his face. “Do you remember some of the things we did when we were children? You would have thought we were unholy terrors by the screeches we earned.”

“And earn them we did,” Bill said with a chuckle as everyone else looked on. “I remember that vase we broke in your foyer.”

Eddie remembered it well. It was impossible to forget his mother’s red face and watery eyes as she took them both to task.

“My mother asked if it was us or a servant who shattered it. I think she was trying to make us lie,” Eddie recalled.

“We did not want to be punished but we didn’t want to see a servant dismissed either,” Bill said with a nod.

They shared a look, smiles tugging at their lips.

“So we said that it was the ghost of Greyshire,” they said at the same time.

Eddie hid his laughter into his hand, remembering how furious his mother looked at their outright deceit. The others all looked on with amused looks at their story.

“She dragged us to answer to your father,” Bill said through his laughter.

“Because it was an heirloom from his great grandmother,” Eddie nodded, letting his hand fall away. “But he hated the thing. I remember the exact words he used. ‘It is a good thing that we have that ghost around to save us all from ugly inherited decor.’”

Eddie’s mother had looked about ready to scream when Lord Frank Kaspbrak shooed them away and told them to play to their heart’s desire. It was a fond memory and Eddie was glad to have recalled it.

“I’ll be damned,“ Richie’s voice pulled him from his pleasant thoughts. “You’re the Earl of Greyshire?”

Eddie frowned just a little, nodding his head once.

“I am.”

Richie’s lips rugged upwards just slightly as he gave Eddie a onceover. Somehow Eddie knew exactly what he was thinking and his suspicions were confirmed when Richie opened his mouth to speak.

“You’re not exactly what I expected.”

Eddie saw Stan nudge Richie hard in the side with his elbow and felt Ben shift uncomfortably in the seat next to him. But he paid it all little mind as his frown deepened. He knew exactly what Richie expected. What everyone expected, in truth. An ill, deformed man who hid from society for fear of their judgment instead of a sheltered noble with very little knowledge of the world. Eddie may well have been naive due to his years of seclusion but it did not make him a fool.

“Nor are you,” Eddie said simply, with enough of an edge to his words that Richie knew well enough he had _not_ forgotten their first interaction.

Unfortunately, Richie wasn’t the only one to pick up on it. Though Eddie was hardly being subtle.

“Do you know one another?” Stan asked suspiciously.

Eddie didn’t even bother tearing his eyes away from Richie to see who else at the table suspected the same. He assumed that it was the whole lot of them.

“We met,” Richie said, staring straight back at Eddie with very little concern on his face. “At the ball.”

“That is fortunate,” Ben said mildly, clearly sensing that it was quite the opposite yet wanting to settle peace since he could easily see that Eddie was agitated.

“It was not,” Eddie said bluntly.

He heard a light gasp from someone, likely Audra, and knew that he must have broken some etiquette rule. But he didn’t care.

“I think I may have offended dear Edward’s sensibilities,” Richie said, putting stress on his name as if to remind Eddie that he didn’t forget what he said while simultaneously taunting him for asking to be called by his full name.

“You say that as if it is my fault for finding offense in your vulgar words. Perhaps if you acted appropriately from the start, we would have no issue,” Eddie fired back at him.

He heard someone sigh and saw several others shift where they sat, clearly uncertain as to where they should look. A level of discomfort had entered the room, chasing away the warmth shared between him and Bill as Eddie stared Richie down with a hot glare and Richie stared back with an utterly unconcerned look. It only made Eddie feel more annoyed.

“I did apologize for my offense,” Richie reminded him.

“And I could tell that it was quite genuine,” Eddie scoffed.

The look fell from Richie’s face and for the first time, Eddie saw the slightest softness to his eyes.

“It was,” Richie said quietly.

At a loss of what to say, Eddie kept his lips sealed shut as his heart thundered away in his chest. He did not know why his emotions burned so hot around Richie. Through two interactions, he could not keep himself in check. And it seemed as though Richie suffered from the same issue. What was the meaning of it? Bill cleared his throat and Eddie tore his eyes away from Richie, shame filling him at how he acted. The other man may have been responsible for the disaster of their first meeting but Eddie certainly caused the wreckage of the second.

“I apologize,” he said, looking down into his lap.

“It’s alright,” Bill said, clearly forcing a smile upon his face. “I think the dessert must be coming along soon.”

Eddie knew that he could not bear to take a single bite. His stomach twisted violently as his eyes stung with rising tears that came with a surge of anger and frustration. In this case, it was entirely aimed at himself.

“If you will excuse me,” he said in a shaky voice, hoping they did not hear the catch in his throat. “I think that I will take some air.”

Eddie hardly waited for Bill to agree before pushing away from the table. He hurried out of the dining hall, knowing that he likely broke another rule by leaving but caring little for it. He needed to breathe. His chest felt too tight and there was a dizzying buzz in his head that would not go away. He stumbled towards a balcony, pushing through the French doors as he loosened his cravat. Inhaling the cool air desperately, Eddie braced both hands on the stone railing and hung his head. It wasn’t until he heard footsteps that he turned slightly.

“Peace,” Richie said, raising his hands in surrender before Eddie could say a word.

Though it didn’t keep him from frowning as he turned to face him fully. What else could there be left to say? Eddie had already humiliated them both well enough. Did Richie wish to take him to task for that?

“What do you want?” Eddie asked warily.

“To take my share of responsibility for this mess,” Richie said, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder.

His words took Eddie completely by surprise.

“I’m afraid I have myself to blame for the evening’s disaster,” he confessed.

“Due in large part to my provoking you,” Richie said, taking a single step closer. “In truth, I knew that you were attending this dinner and my intention was to apologize from the start. I am always tempted to lead with humor and I’m afraid it makes me seem quite tactless among those who do not know me.”

“Is that your excuse? For the ball?” Eddie asked, the words slipping from his lips before he could call them back.

If Richie was surprised by his blunt question, he certainly didn’t show it.

“No, that was something far different,” he said, looking away from Eddie and out at the night sky. “Have you ever been a part of a card game?”

Eddie didn’t quite know what to make of the question. Was it important that Richie know that? He showed no trace of humor now, which made Eddie think he might have been asking seriously.

“I have not,” he said with a shake of his head. “It’s not a skill I ever acquired.”

Richie’s eyes flitted back to him.

“Among the fine nobles of England, there is a certain exclusionary basis on which they decide who is and is not allowed to play at the finest balls. Men that they deem to be of poor birth, taste, or reputation are quite easily turned away. The only reason that I am allowed to sit among their powdered wigs is the sizable fortune I inherited upon my father’s death. Every man who sits across from me plans to steal parts of my fortune and every man walks away with a little less of their own. I am honestly surprised that they continue to invite me in.”

“Why do you go?” Eddie asked, unable to keep his curiosity at bay.

There was a part of him that wondered why they were speaking of this and why he found himself so engaged as Richie spoke with no humor in his voice for the first time.

“To make them squirm,” Richie said with a shrug, the slightest smirk tugging at his lips. “They cannot bear that a man such as I, with varied tastes and uninhibited opinions, beats them every time. If it makes the whole lot of them uncomfortable, it is quite worth suffering their dreary presence. But to cope with it all on that particular night, I found myself partaking in the free flowing wine more than I should have. And I regret to say that you found me at my worst in the gardens. I did not intend to offend you but I see that I should have measured my words far better and that is my fault alone. It will not happen again.”

Eddie eyed Richie, wondering if he might believe him. It was tempting. He certainly knew how to use his words to his advantage. He just wasn’t certain what he wanted.

“So where does that leave us?”

The words rolled off of his tongue, taking Eddie by surprise. He didn’t know why it felt so natural to refer to the two of them as an “us.” There was that feeling again. The need to be closer. Richie didn’t look at all surprised by his question, glancing around with a sigh.

“With a new start?” he said, his eyes flitting back to Eddie. “It seems as though we may see more of one another. I think it may be best for everyone if we can be… cordial.”

“Cordial,” Eddie repeated, looking down at his clasped hands. “That may be possible.”

When he looked up again, Richie was smiling at him. It wasn’t a smirk and there was no trace of taunting in his eyes. It was a bright smile, bringing a shine to his blue eyes. It was hard not to admire him. Eddie tried his best not to gaze for too long, his eyes darting away again.

“A new start,” he said in agreement.

Richie straightened a little, satisfaction rolling off of him in waves.

“Then I will take this chance to introduce myself,” he said, lowering into a bow much like had in the gardens before. “Richard Tozier, at your service. You may call me Richie, if you so wish.”

As he straightened up, he held out his hand. Eddie looked at it for just a moment before lowering his head as well.

“Edward Kaspbrak,” Eddie said, giving Richie a far more shallow bow before reaching out to clasp his hand.

As soon as their hands touched, everything shifted. It was as if the world turned on its axis. There was no denying the heat that spread through him from his hand, where they were joined, outwards to his entire body. It was all too easy to figure out what was happening. Eddie jerked his hand away with a gasp as Richie’s eyes grew wide. He felt it too. Colors were brighter. Eddie was aware of every sight and sound and smell around him, as if his every sense was on fire. His body craved more of the proximity, of the touch, of Richie.

His soulmate.

As he took a step back, Eddie tried to grasp the truth of the realization with little success. Did it really happen this way? A chance meeting with a man at a ball and now here he was, his heart aching for utter completeness. A completeness that, apparently, only the man in front of him could give. Eddie couldn’t wrap his mind around it so he was left grasping for something to hold onto. A calming something that would steal away the tightness in his chest that threatened to labor his breathing.

But the more he tried to control it, the more difficult it became. Richie was saying something but Eddie couldn’t quite hear. It felt as if he was underwater. His hand shot out and grasped at the railing of the balcony as his head grew faint and his vision darkened. His chest seized as he fought to inhale quite unsuccessfully. A hand touched his shoulder and Eddie shuddered as he imagined that he could feel the heat of Richie’s skin even through his clothing.

It was all too much.

He heard Richie distantly telling him to breathe but he could not do so. All that Eddie managed to do was close his eyes as he felt his legs growing weak beneath him. He felt utterly disconnected as panic overwhelmed him. Then he was sinking lower, feeling far away from everything as his mind grew weaker. His last conscious thought was that he was quite certain Richie would not want him for a soulmate after this. Then he sank into unconsciousness and all was silent.

When he came to, it happened slowly. His senses began to return separately as he grasped to remember how he wound up there at all. First it was touch. He was lying on something soft. There was a cool, damp something on his forehead. A hand gently holding his. Then it was sound. The crackling of a fire. The murmur of voices. Someone breathing near to him. He took a deep breath and the talking ceased.

“Eddie?”

That was Beverly’s voice and it came with a squeeze of his hand. She must have been the one near to him. His heart sank at the thought and he did not know why. He slowly let his eyes flutter open and was met with a ceiling instead of the stars that he remembered seeing just before he last closed them. He was no longer on the balcony.

The balcony.

Where he was speaking with Richie. Where they touched. Where they discovered they were soulmates. Eddie was flooded with awareness. He felt completely off kilter, as if his body ached for some piece of him that wasn’t there. He knew why. It was fairly obvious that his intended other half wasn’t as close as he should have been. He didn’t know quite what to do, so it left him grasping for some measure of understanding.

“Can you sit up?” Bill asked from somewhere.

Eddie reached up with his free hand, pulling the towel from his forehead before nodding. There were hands on him helping him sit up but none of them were right. Eddie found his eyes sweeping the room, undoubtedly Bill’s study. There were Beverly’s concerned eyes. Bill’s worried expression. Stan. Ben. Mike. Audra. Then… there he was. Hovering near to the hearth, uncertainty written across his face. Their gaze held for one beat, then two, then three. Eddie didn’t know if he could ever look away.

“What happened?” Ben asked.

His eyes finally tore away from Richie’s to see the rest of them all looking to him for an explanation. It occurred to Eddie that they must not know. Richie might have said nothing. Perhaps he wanted Eddie to explain. Or perhaps he did not want them to know. It may well have been the latter. If Eddie heard of Stan and Mike’s struggles from afar, it was certain that Richie knew them quite well. What if he did not wish to go through such trials for someone he hardly knew, no matter what his heart told him?

But then again, he rather boldly admitted to Eddie that his tastes were varied and that the idea of a rendezvous with a man much appealed to him. So if it was not society holding him back, perhaps it was Eddie himself. He knew that most people, if not all, would look at him and find him wanting. In his eyes, his face was plain and his stature was certainly nothing to speak of. He hardly made up for it with an interesting character. Most of what he was had been shaped by his experiences, which were quite minimal due in large part to his mother.

So what if he simply did not appeal to Richie, even if they were soulmates?

Then suddenly Eddie remembered the lady that Richie mentioned. Lottie. What if she was his intended? If that was so, and he’d already entered a betrothal with her, then perhaps it did not matter to Richie at all. These possibilities all passed through Eddie’s mind, filling him with a cold dread as he became quite convinced that Richie did not want him. Could not want him. He was no match for a duke with a wealth of experience and fortune beyond what Eddie could imagine as well as a lady to marry. He became so convinced of Richie’s rejection that he suddenly did not want to look his way at all, if only to see distance growing in his eyes. Eddie swallowed hard and released Beverly’s hand, reaching up to adjust his waistcoat with shaking hands.

“I’m quite alright,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Eddie...” Beverly didn’t finish, but he knew that her doubt was reflected in everyone else who stood in the room.

He looked to Bill, holding his gaze for a moment before speaking.

“I apologize,” Eddie said, feeling Richie’s gaze burning the side of his head. “I think I shall take my leave before I ruin the evening any further.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Bill said with a frown.

Eddie doubted his words, slowly pushing himself to stand.

“I will send a carriage for the two of you in the morning,” he said, looking to Ben and Beverly. “If you wish to stay the night as planned.”

“No, we’ll come with you if it is what you wish,” Ben said, a frown on his face.

“But Bill is right,” Beverly added.

Eddie shook his head, smoothing out the wrinkles in his clothes to no avail. They stubbornly remained.

“I need to leave,” he said, unable to bring himself to remain in the room for a moment longer. “I-I cannot stay.”

He knew that he should turn away. He knew that it was a terrible idea to look Richie’s way. But he did so anyway only to find that his back was turned. He faced the fire, his hand pushing through his hair. Eddie’s fears were only confirmed at the sight, for he did not see the shaking in Richie’s hand. Nor did he see the downcast look to his expression or the hurt in his eyes. All that he saw was that Richie turned away and all that he could imagine was that Richie did not care.

It finalized the situation in his mind.

So Eddie turned away as well, just before Richie’s head lifted towards him, so he did not see the other man’s agonized expression. He simply took his leave, accepting Bill’s offer to walk him out. Ben and Beverly followed, leaving Stan, Mike, and Audra to look to Richie for an explanation. He did not offer one, leaving just as quickly to find his way to his chamber. He, just as much as Eddie, could not bear to be there for a single moment longer. Eddie remained silent as well, feeling the ache in his chest grow worse with every step he took.

It felt as if he was being irreparably torn in two and though he knew it was a mistake to go, he could not bring himself to stay.

*

Days turned to weeks, each more miserable than the one before. Eddie all but shut himself away. Ben and Beverly remained, though he told them more than once that they were welcome to return to their own house in the countryside. He knew that they were concerned for him, even if they did not know the source of his misery. He had yet to tell them the truth of what happened that evening. Perhaps it was shame for his own actions, for Eddie regretted leaving so abruptly, or perhaps it was fear that they would confirm what he thought to be true, that Richie would not want someone like him. He could not help but think of the man who was his soulmate.

In truth, Eddie hardly knew him at all. He could not deny that there was a craving deep in him to see him again. To know him. It grew more painful as the days went on and Eddie was certain that the hole carved into his chest would remain forever. He felt such an utter sense of loss that he did not know quite what to do with himself. So he passed the days in mostly quite solitude, managing his estate when he wasn’t writing mild letters of little consequence to Bill or reading the books in his small library that he’d all gone through before. Sometimes he took a turn about the gardens when he was feeling particularly anxious at being shut away inside.

Beverly or Ben accompanied him every so often, filling the air with endless small talk as Eddie did his best to ignore the concerned looks they cast his way. It wasn’t until one day, no less than four months after the disastrous dinner, that a message came to Greyshire Hall informing him that Bill and Audra would be taking a trip to France in celebration of his birthday and that, in their absence, the Duke of Derryshire would be maintaining their residence. Eddie wondered if it had to be some sort of trick. Perhaps a jest on Bill’s part. But there would be no laugh in it for anyone.

So what reason would Richie have to be spending several months so close to Eddie? Was it to taunt him? Did he care to think of Eddie at all? Did he simply wish to maintain a residence further south in England, considering that Derryshire was in the north? Eddie found himself grasping for answers, each possibility running through his head so quickly that he was certain he would go mad before long. He felt rather than heard the approach of the other two inhabitants of the house, turning to see Ben and Beverly nearing him with curious looks upon their faces.

“May we ask?” Beverly asked.

“It’s a message from Wavendon,” Eddie said looking down at the letter in his hand. “To inform us that Bill will be taking a trip with Audra to France and that the house will be inhabited in their absence.”

“How thoughtful,” Ben said, taking it when Eddie handed it over.

He simply nodded, feeling a surge of guilt when Beverly gave him a confused look at the sight of his pale face. He had yet to tell either of his cousins of the true nature of his confrontation with Richie. They simply thought that he disagreed with the other man and could not reconcile with him. They had no idea of the fact that Richie was his soulmate. Though Eddie had been trying to avoid speaking of it, he knew that they deserved to know.

“What is it?” Beverly asked, sensing that he had something to say.

Eddie sighed, sinking down to sit on the steps of the foyer without care for how it would wrinkle his clothing.

“Richie,” he said quietly.

He saw the other two exchange looks and knew what they must be thinking.

“There is something I have not told you about that night,” Eddie said, hesitation evident in his voice.

They both looked far from confused and Eddie supposed that his odd behavior over the past several months may have clued them in to the fact that he was hiding something. He knew that it was unlikely that they would understand. Not fully. Their path had been relatively easy since meeting one another. There was nothing that stood in the way of them committing to one another. Eddie did not begrudge them any of it, knowing that they’d suffered enough in life to deserve an easy companionship with one another.

“The duke… Richie…” Eddie struggled with his words, trying to find the best way to say it without citing it bluntly. “He is… that is to say that we are…”

He no sooner let out a huff of annoyance that Beverly gasped lightly, her hand flying up as her fingers touched over her lips. Her eyes were widened in surprise as realization passed over her face. She knew.

“What is it?” Ben asked, coming to the same conclusion that his wife figured it out.

“Is it true?” Beverly asked, taking a step closer to Eddie. “Is he your…?”

She trailed off as well, clearly wanting him to say it. Eddie nodded slowly, realizing there was no better way than to just say it.

“He’s my soulmate,” Eddie said, the words heavy on his tongue.

Ben looked shocked, his eyes growing wide. Eddie could already sense the thoughts running through his head. His cousin was a romantic. Even before he met Beverly, he’d been in love with the idea of love. It was always a charming feature. But now Eddie knew that he was wondering why any person would keep so great a distance between themselves and their fated other half.

“What happened?” Beverly asked, taking a seat next to him on the steps.

She looked at him with agony in her eyes, as if she could just imagine what he had gone through over the past several months.

“Very little,” Eddie said truthfully. “We touched and everything went dark. But before that, he mentioned a lady and spoke of her quite fondly.”

“Oh,” Beverly sighed, reaching out to take his hand.

Eddie let her do so, watching as Ben came to sit with them as well. They both knew what it meant.

“Perhaps you could speak with him,” he suggested.

“I’ll not cause a poor woman to be scandalized by this,” Eddie said with a shake of his head. “It would sit far too heavily on my conscience.”

He did not mention the fact that he did not think that Richie would have him even if he weren’t promised to another. Eddie was inconsequential at best. He did not expect that anyone would ever think otherwise.

“It must feel awful,” Beverly said sympathetically.

Eddie swallowed hard at her words, looking down into his lap so that they could not see the look on his face.

“No,” he said softly, closing his eyes. “It is worse.”

Beverly leaned in, laying her head upon his shoulder.

“I am so sorry,” she murmured.

Eddie didn’t say anything. He simply prayed silently that it would get easier with time.

*

A few days passed before a visitor came calling at the doors to Greyshire. Eddie was addressing letters in his study when he received word and made his way down to the first level with a sinking feeling in his chest. Yet he was bound to be surprised because awaiting him in the main parlor was the last person that he expected to see. Lingering near to the staircase was Lord Stanley himself.

His light grey hat was held in his slim fingers and his face was blank of any emotion or thought that might have given away his intention for being there. Yet Eddie knew all the same. He approached warily, his heart fluttering nervously as Stan turned to face him. They regarded each other for several moments and neither was certain of how to start the conversation.

“Are you well?” Stan finally asked.

“More or less,” Eddie said mildly. “And you?”

“As well as I can be. We are residing at Wavendon with Richie.”

They both grew silent again for another long stretch of time before Eddie sighed, giving up any pretense.

“I take it that you know,” he said quietly.

Stan did not look at all surprised that Eddie guessed his reason for being there.

“I do,” he confirmed with a nod. “And I understand why you left.”

The words did take Eddie by surprise. He lifted his head, giving Stan a quizzical look.

“Do you?”

“Bill mentioned your… difficult childhood,” Stan said, looking at him with understanding. “And your mother had quite the reputation. I cannot imagine what it must have been like after your father’s death. But I can sympathize with the crushing weight of others’ expectations. My father is a traditional man, according to his faith, and he did not hide his disapproval when Mike and I discovered one another. If it were not for my mother, I fear that he would have disowned me completely.”

Eddie reeled at the information. He could not imagine dealing with his mother if she were alive and knew who his soulmate was.

“It is not just my mother,” he confessed, looking away from Stan again. “I know what is said of me. I know that people doubt my health and wonder at my sanity. Beyond that, I know that I am rather sheltered and otherwise unremarkable. None of these traits make for a good soulmate. I did not leave because of Richie. Not entirely. I left because he deserves far better than I.”

 _And I imagine that he’s found it with his Lottie,_ Eddie said to himself. But he did not mention it aloud. Stan did not say anything for a long few moments but when he did, his voice was steady and insistent.

“He’s endlessly curious about you,” he said, refusing to tear his eyes away from Eddie. “He’s soaked up every detail and story Bill has to offer. Perhaps you’d like the chance to get to know him the same way.”

Eddie didn’t quite know what to say to that. Why was Stan doing this? Didn’t he know that Richie was otherwise engaged? Before he could make up his mind, Stan spoke up again.

“I know that it can’t be easy to face all of this, knowing that your mother would be against you and that society is not on your side. But trust me when I say that you will be miserable if you try to keep it all locked away. The longer you avoid this, the worse it will be for you. That hole in your chest will only grow and fester. You _need_ your soulmate.”

Stan’s lips twitched just a little bit as Eddie felt fear stirring in him once more.

“Even if your soulmate _is_ Richie,” Stan said, the slightest bit of amusement bleeding into his words and softening them. “You still need him.”

Eddie could hear the light teasing tone in his voice and felt the slightest smile tugging at his lips.

“Did he send you here?” he asked.

“He knows nothing about it,” Stan said.

Eddie felt somewhat relieved by that, but confused as well..

“Speak to him,” Stan continued before he could say anything more. “For the sake of us all.”

Eddie swallowed hard, wondering what would happen if he agreed. As much as he wanted to, even Stan’s words did not change the circumstances. Though he  longed to know more about Richie, Eddie feared that spending any amount of time with his soulmate would make it nearly impossible to push him away again.

“I cannot make any promises,” Eddie said carefully.

“All I ask is that you consider it,” Stan said.

He could promise that. After all, Eddie wasn’t sure that he’d ever be able to stop thinking about any of it. If all he had to look forward to was a life of solitude, could he do any less?.

“I will,” he said, nodding his head.

Stan stepped forward, holding a hand out to him. They clasped and shook before parting. Eddie watched the other man make his way to the door, wishing more than anything that things were less complicated.

“Wait,” Eddie called out, remembering one of those complications.

Stan turned back to face him, his eyebrow raised expectantly.

“What of his fiancée?”

The look that the other man gave him could only be described as both alarmed and somewhat irritated.

“His what?”

“His fiancée?” Eddie repeated, his voice a little smaller as he questioned his own conclusions.

Stan shook his head, disbelief flitting across his face.

“Richie isn’t engaged,” he said.

Eddie could not help but frown at that as his mind searched for an explanation for what he heard.

“Then who is Lottie? His mistress?”

Stan suddenly snorted, his serious look falling away in favor of the slightest smirk tugging at his lips.

“Utter disasters,” he said with a shake of his head. “The both of you.”

With that, he turned away and left Eddie wondering what that was supposed to mean.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he called.

“You’ll know soon enough,” Stan said cryptically.

Eddie was left with only confusion, wondering what that was supposed to mean. He didn’t grasp Stan’s meaning until several days later. The commotion at the front of the house didn’t reach his attention until he heard the noises. Eddie was relaxing against a tree just past the gardens, a book open on his lap and his jacket and waistcoat discarded on the grass next to him. His head lifted at the sound of shouts reached his ears. Only then did he see the horse galloping towards him, a very recognizable figure perched atop the dark brown steed.

The book slipped from his fingers and fell to the grass as he pushed off of the tree to sit up straighter. As he drew closer, Eddie could see that Richie’s curls were windswept and his cheeks were flushed with exertion. He barely pulled up on the reins and gently drew the horse to a light trot before dropping down from the saddle. Eddie found that his heart was beating rather quickly as he stared up at Richie, unable to quite believe that he was there.

“She is my sister.”

Eddie blinked several times, unable to quite make sense of Richie’s words.

“What?” he said, shaking his head as he made his lack of understanding known.

“Lottie,” Richie clarified, striding towards Eddie. “Charlotte Anne Tozier, my younger sister.”

A small gasp left Eddie’s lips, both in realization at the foolish conclusion that he drew as well as the fact that Richie kneeled in front of him without hesitation.

“You might have asked,” the other man said with a light laugh. “It certainly would have saved us months of grief.”

“I feared the answer,” Eddie admitted.

His heart raced away in his chest, feeling like it may pound right out of it at any moment. When Richie’s face broke out into a grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners, he felt breathless with awe. His entire body sang with harmonious relief when he lifted his hand, brushing a thumb over Eddie’s cheek. It was a gentle touch, causing tingles in its wake as Eddie gazed into Richie’s eyes.

“I apologize for leaving,” Eddie said, his words falling from his lips easily. “I did what I thought was necessary for the both of us. I did not want to make you choose if you were betrothed to another.”

Richie heaved a sigh, sitting more fully on the ground in front of Eddie as his horse roamed around them chewing at the grass.

“It seems that we have both been rather foolish,” he said.

“From the very start,” Eddie agreed.

Richie let out a laugh once more, bringing a smile to Eddie’s face.

“I wonder if we might have had an easier time of it if that first meeting hadn’t been quite so disastrous,” he said, amusement in his eyes. “I suppose I must take responsibility for it.

“I have a hard time believing that it will ever be easy.”

Eddie’s words slipped out before he could measure them. Richie’s face twitched into a confused frown and he regretted saying it.

“Why is that?” Richie asked.

He looked away, shrugging one shoulder.

“Nothing ever is,” Eddie said quietly.

Richie didn’t say anything and Eddie feared what he would see if he looked his way. So he watched Richie’s horse graze and worried at his lower lip. It felt strange, to be here sitting next to his soulmate in the shadow of the house he once thought he’d never escape. Even now, Eddie felt like he could feel the eyes of his mother on them. As if he could feel her disappointment from beyond the grave. He wondered if he would ever stop feeling her presence here.

“Will you tell me?” Richie finally asked after a long stretch of silence.

Eddie’s eyes darted to him as he pulled out of his thoughts.

“Tell you what?” he asked.

“Everything,” Richie said, inching closer. “I hardly know anything about you.”

Eddie gave him a slight smile.

“There isn’t much to know,” he admitted, pulling his knees up to his chest as he leaned back against the tree again. “My life has hardly been as exciting as yours.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Richie said, smiling in return. “And it doesn’t matter. I wish to know you, if you’ll allow it.”

Richie looked at him with wide, imploring eyes. The knowledge that he really did want to know tugged at Eddie’s heartstrings and made him want to share everything he could.

“My childhood was fairly normal,” he began, holding Richie’s gaze as he spoke. “My father was a good man. The best man I’ve ever known. And my mother was happy. I remember that much. Then my father died…”

He continued on, recalling scattered memories of his childhood. Richie threw in the occasional comment and detail about his own life. They sat there for hours, everything else fading away. The months apart, their volatile first meetings, all that stood between them. None of it mattered. Eddie was hungry for more, wanting to learn everything he could about Richie. The other man seemed to have a similar need, never losing interest no matter how long they talked. Eddie learned that Richie was quite the troublemaker at school, often pulling Stan into his shenanigans. Richie learned that Eddie was the perfect student for his tutors, always eager to please.

Apparently Richie’s father, Wentworth Tozier, kept every letter he received from the headmaster at Richie’s school, reading them out with great amusement each time his son came home to visit as his wife, Maggie, hid her laughter behind her hand. Lottie was three years younger and much like Richie, mischievous and yet kind at heart. Eddie learned that his father died four years previous, leaving a barely of age Richie to take on the dukedom and to maintain Derryshire Manor as well as the care of his mother and sister.

Eddie told Richie of his father’s death when he was young and his mother’s death only a few months ago. He told him all about Ben and Beverly and in return, Richie spoke of Stan, Mike, and Bill at length. The sun was barely setting over the horizon when they realized how long they’d been talking. Richie was lying in the grass, picking at the grass around him, and Eddie’s legs were stretched out now as he regarded the leaves of the tree above them.

“I should go before it gets dark,” Richie realized.

Eddie watched as he sat up, realizing how easy it had been to speak with him. Before Richie could stand, he felt the need to say something more. To explain why he pulled away.

“I know that I am not what I should be,” Eddie said.

Richie looked up, his gaze fixing on Eddie. There was confusion in his eye, along with uncertainty. Eddie took a deep breath and held his gaze before continuing.

“The truth is that I spent most of my life shut away from the world because my mother feared leaving my father’s estate without an heir. I am still learning what it means to be a man of my own making, rather than the one that I’ve been told to be all my life. It is hardly fair to you, I know that, but I need time. I fear that I am not enough and I fear that I am not ready to face society’s judgment. I need time and I understand if you will not give it to me. You’ve experienced far more of the world than I and I know that I may never be enough because of it.”

Richie didn’t look away as he spoke, reaching out to clasp Eddie’s hand as he finished. His touch was a balm, soothing Eddie’s nerves quite easily.

“You are enough,” he said, his voice low and reassuring. “I understand that you need time and I only ask one thing in return. Don’t leave again, and don’t force me to walk away. It was hard enough, going through those months with a vital part of myself missing. I do not care if you never choose to commit yourself to me, just allow us to know one another.”

Eddie found himself nodding before Richie even finished.

“I couldn’t bear it either,” he admitted.

Richie gave him a relieved smile, squeezing his hand lightly. When he leaned in, Eddie did not pull away, allowing Richie to brush a soft kiss over his cheek.

“I hope to see you soon then,” he said, pulling away to look into Eddie’s eyes.

“I hope so as well.”

Richie pushed himself up to stand, not even bothering to brush the dirt from his breeches before he started over to his horse. Then he turned around, giving Eddie a lopsided grin.

“Don’t be a stranger, Eds,” he said with a wink.

“Eds?” Eddie repeated, his brow furrowing.

“You didn’t really expect me to call you _Edward_ , did you?”

Eddie remembered what he told Richie at that dinner and wrinkled his nose just a little.

“You can call me Eddie,” he said.

Richie thought about it, walking backwards the whole way.

“Nah,” he said, shaking his head. “I think I’ll stick with Eds.”

“Don’t you dare,” Eddie said, pushing to his feet. “I’ll never answer to it.”

Richie let out a laugh, turning to take the reins of his horse.

“Careful what you say, Eds,” he said, lifting himself up into the saddle quite effortlessly. “I believe you once thought you’d never see me again. Now look where we are.”

“Don’t you have somewhere else to go?” Eddie said, doing his best to seem annoyed even though he was fighting a smile.

Richie simply grinned at him, shifting until he was comfortable on the saddle.

“Don’t miss me too much, Eds,” he called over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Eddie replied without hesitation.

Richie’s laughter carried on the wind as he galloped away and, as Eddie stood there in the shade of the tree with the sun setting in the distance, he realized that he couldn’t ever remember feeling such an overwhelming sense of peace.

It was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Please please please tell me what you think. I need to know.
> 
>  
> 
> [If you want to know the piano piece that Eddie is playing. It's my absolute favorite classical arrangement.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-MT5zeY6CU)


End file.
